“As within, so without.” This powerful phrase reminds us that our inner world shapes our outer experiences. This idea became deeply personal for me during a difficult period when I was grappling with sadness and disconnection from myself. I could not find the beauty within, so I could not see the beauty around me.
The photo accompanying this story was taken on a beautiful day along the North Shore of Lake Superior. The sun was shining, the air was crisp, and I was with a dear friend. We had just enjoyed a delicious lunch at the aptly named Scenic Café—a name that perfectly captured the beauty around us. It was the kind of moment people dream of, but for me, it felt empty.
A Beautiful Setting, But a Heavy Heart
Despite being in an idyllic setting, I couldn’t find joy. My heart felt heavy, and no matter how much I tried to remind myself of my blessings, I couldn’t shake the emptiness. My face in the photo tells the story—no smiles, no light. I was there physically, but my soul was absent.
Have you ever wondered why two people can experience the same event but react so differently? This question has crossed my mind many times over the years, and I’ve come to understand a simple truth: we create our own reality based on what’s happening inside us.
The Inner Conflict
At that time, I was stuck in a cycle of self-doubt. I didn’t see myself as attractive or worthy. I occasionally admired my slender waist and strong legs, but I was often critical of my appearance.
Looking back at that picture now, I see a different person—someone with youth, strength, flexibility, and beauty that I never appreciated. If I had that body today, I’d cherish it. I’d adorn it with beautiful clothes, feed it with nourishing food, and most importantly, I’d appreciate it fully.
The Rift Between Who I Was and Who I Wanted to Be
At that time, I was living a life that wasn’t true to who I really was. I longed for adventure, growth, and a sense of purpose, but the gap between my reality and my dreams was tearing me apart. I blamed myself for wanting more, for not being satisfied with the “good” life I already had. I felt undeserving of happiness, success, and even love.
That belief led to destructive decisions. I sabotaged my own happiness, harming those I loved in the process. I felt unworthy of a fulfilling life, and I struggled with the idea of being deserving of anything better.
Health as a Reflection of Inner Struggle
As I continued to ignore my true desires, my health began to deteriorate. My body was reacting to the internal conflict. Every time I tried to push beyond the boundaries of my limiting beliefs, I found myself unwell. (See last week’s post, Did The Fish Thank You?) The greater the gap between who I was and who I wanted to be, the harder life became.
Dragging my family through this painful journey only deepened my sense of guilt. I didn’t want to be on this path, but I couldn’t live any other way without facing more internal resistance. I tried everything—self-help books, meditation, yoga, and therapy. But nothing clicked until I learned the most important lesson: self-love.
The Shift: Learning to Love Myself
Once I stopped being so hard on myself for my perceived flaws, life began to improve. I started embracing my imperfections and loving myself for who I truly am—unglamorous, imperfect, yet worthy of love. This shift changed everything, and continues to do so every day. (To learn more about the power of self- love, check out this post: https://www.mindful.org/you-can-change-your-life-by-loving-yourself/.)
If I could give one piece of advice to anyone struggling like I did, it would be this: love yourself. Appreciate the beauty within, even when it’s hard to see. Once you do, life becomes richer, fuller, and more joyful.
Frank
What a great post. Jesus would call it “Grace”. We tend to see ourselves unworthy of it, and instead wallow in guilt over our obvious flaws. I was brought up Roman Catholic. That was like having a double dose of guilt. Almost reveling in it.
When I finally forgave myself for my flaws , light appeared. In fact those flaws became strengths. God wired me with a big mouth. I love to talk. Instant expert on everything, especially good at telling you what is wrong with you and your life. Then I learned to turn it around and use my “verbal skills” for good, to give and get the positive;advocacy, encouragement, teaching, and giving. Now when I get up in the morning, I really like my new boss. My new boss is NOT “the same as the old boss, no, no, no..” (The Who, 1971). He is no longer mean, sarcastic (well not as much as before), combative, negative (usually) , or in constant pursuit of more toys and money. He likes himself and others. His greatest currency and joy is giving good back to the rest of the community. God does not make junk. Celebtrate your circuit board. -FBP